Me, the girls who's glass is always half empty? Me, the anxiety ridden mother of twins?

I'm strong? I'm positive? You are talking about me? I got a few emails yesterday from some wonderful women that are either have trouble trying to conceive or are pregnant with twins. They told me they look to my blog because I'm so positive and have gone through so much. That I help ease their anxiety and give them hope. It feels amazing to hear that. I'm always so down on myself. I always feel anxious. I feel like I'm never truly positive. Not a pessimist either... more like a realist.

Then I think back to all we have been through. To all I have been through. Before my husband and I got married, I went through a horrible divorce. Going through that, I think, helped make me stronger. Going through everything with the girls makes me a rock. I look back at how I felt at each point in our journey. I never thought we'd actually get pregnant. I got to a point where I couldn't even imagine actually carrying a child, let alone two. Then, we got pregnant and through every step of pregnancy I worried. I just knew I wouldn't make it to 36 weeks. However, I never thought they would be so early. I sat in that hospital on bedrest for 2 weeks worrying about how much medical help our girls would need if they were born that day or the next. If they would be okay. In the NICU, I couldn't believe how hard it was to go in and out of that hospital every day without our girls in our arms. To see them with those wires and tubes. All the tests, all the worry. How exhausting it was. We just went day by day. My anxiety goes up and down, but in the end, I guess I really am strong. I really am able to make it through these things. At the time, you just worry about breathing and wonder how to get through the next day. But you do.

My husband is an amazing source of strength for me. He is the guy with the glass half full. He's the one that just knows everything will be okay. He's the one that loves me with all of his heart and gives me more love than I could ever imagine I would receive. The joy of giving him these baby girls that he loves so much is more than words can say.

Life with twin newborns is hard. It's amazing. It's wonderful. It's rewarding. It's full of love. It's worth EVERYTHING we have gone through. I remind myself of this every day when 4pm hits and I'm exhausted and wonder how I'll get through another night of little sleep and crying babies. You just look at them and know everything will be okay.

If you are trying to conceive, know that you are an amazingly strong woman. Anyone going through it, whether it's a year or 5, knows a feeling that so many other women will never feel. Keep going. Whether it's another IVF or another IUI or adoption or surrogacy or so many other paths. If you truly want to be a mother someday, you will. It may not be on the path you originally thought, but it will happen. If you are pregnant with twins, take care of yourself. Carry that precious cargo as long as you can. Know however, that if they don't make it to 36-40 weeks, you did everything you could and it's not your fault. If your child or children are in the NICU, stay strong. Care for your baby, visit them everyday, read to them, keep a journal of their progress. Find support. Email me, talk to friends, find groups online. In every part of our journey - infertility, pregnancy, the NICU and having multiples - we have found strength in support and others going through similar things. We have met some amazing friends through all of this.

Stay strong and I'll keep reminding myself that I AM strong.